I treasure the story of how I met my darling husband! We were not much older than children…I was at the precipice of becoming a young lady, just weeks before my 15th birthday, while Bruce had just turned 16. We met at a youth organization dance, and he walked across the room to ask me to dance. Later, he would confess he had never approached a girl he didn’t know to dance. When I returned home that night, so many years ago, I told my mother, Lillian, about him.
Without missing a beat, she turned to me and said, “that is the boy you are going to marry!” How exciting to a 14 year old romantic…we will “live happily ever after!” Two weeks later, Bruce invited me to a high school dance, and his father drove us home at the end of the evening. He peered into the rear view mirror at the two of us sitting together, and later said the very same words to Bruce my mother had said to me…”that’s the girl you will marry.”
Fortunately, for us, we have a beautiful family, have been loving each other for most of our lives, and it gets better all the time. A smooth sail into “living happily ever after?” No, not really! I have had twenty three abdominal surgeries, associated with countless bowel blockages and obstructions, the last one being my ileostomy three years ago. Bruce has been with me through agonizing nights in the emergency room, as well as trips to the Mayo Clinic and to countless specialists. But I am here, and I am well, and I am happy!
As so many ostomates do, I named my stoma. The name I chose for her is Lily, because my mother, Lillian, gave me my first life…and Lily gave me my second. Caring for Lily is the gift of kindness to my body and mind. Her presence is the reminder that my body is different, special, unique and strong!
Last week we were at a celebration and there was great food and music. Although it wasn’t the first time we were in this situation since my ileostomy, it stands out in my mind. Bruce and I were taking advantage of what we used to call a “slow dance” and it was an extremely romantic melody. As we held each other tightly, I wondered if he was aware of Lily, and if so, did she make him uncomfortable? As the music ended, I asked that question. Without skipping a beat he answered he felt her and that was there was no discomfort. And then we began to dance another dance. No drama, no angst, just “yes” he felt her, and “no” it didn’t make him uncomfortable…our lives as they should be.
I tell you this story because I have embraced my ileostomy from the morning I was marked for placement prior to my surgery. There are problems, for certain…blockages are different but still occur; dehydration is an always problem, regardless of how much water I drink. But I am president of a wonderful and growing Support Group in New Jersey and we are going places! We have physicians educating us and we educate them. We are working on an Ostomy Clinic and I have already written the press release announcing it, although no date has been set nor commitment made. We have goals and we will achieve them. My mother, Lillian, taught me to never give up…and with Lily, I know I will have the health to not have to give up on my dreams!
And Bruce? He asked me to dance those many years ago, and we have been enjoying the music together ever since. We have been tested countless times over the more than 50 years we have known and loved each other. But like the dance steps we take, we just keep moving in sync, one step at a time!
Originally published in THE PHOENIX magazine.