Having body image issues for my entire life pushed me early on to learn every trick possible for dressing for success…and not the success we usually think of as women entered the workforce in greater numbers. I am not referring to professional attire as women sat across from men in the boardroom. I am referring to seeking the successful feeling of accentuating the positives and playing down the negatives. To this day, that is my goal for myself, and for whomever I am dressing!
My instincts gave way to true beliefs, precepts and principles for curating a better form in clothes, ways to narrow or broaden and colors to enhance and flatter. In other words, I learned to paint a picture using clothing, accessories and attitude to present the best “me” possible. As time passed, I was surprised and delighted that others sought my guidance in order to be able to do the same for themselves. A business was born, and being a Stylist was my new title. I was even the Fashion Trainer for Macy’s decades ago, and that position helped me hone my skills and eye for enhancing the flattering, always my goal.
I brought to those positions terribly negative feelings about my body which came from my parents, who were quick to point out that I did not get the best combination of genetics from them. My father was extra large while my mother was narrow and slim. Just like a child’s mouth that contains her mom’s narrow palate and dad’s wide teeth, I have my father’s wider bottom and short, heavier (okay, stubby) legs paired with my mother’s long narrow upper body, which has absolutely no ability to build a muscle, despite decades of weight training. Additionally, reaching my full height of 5′ 3/4″ by 11 years old did not help my lower half to grow longer and leaner! By college, I had developed anorexia nervosa and my emaciated frame, freezing limbs and pallid skin and body dysmorphic perception wreaked havoc with my college experience. Upon return home, anorexia morphed into bulimia, and the vicious cycle continued for years. I could never actually describe my body with any validity, since the dysmorphia was the constant, regardless of whether I weighed 85 lbs. or 135 lbs.
Once I got myself to a comfortable and consistent body weight, through therapy, loving support, medication, etc., I began to concentrate on presenting my best appearance to the world, and that focused on dressing this one and only body I was blessed to have, and the acceptance that came with that. Dressing my unique body, with its challenges, has certainly heightened my sensitivity to all of the unique bodies in the universe. Perhaps that is why my husband teasingly tells people I have an advanced degree in “working magic through fashion” from magazines like InStyle, Glamour and Vogue.
While I know there are many important things concerning those of us with health issues, focusing on something other than those issues is a great diversion, because looking great helps us to feel great! I have dressed, with great joy, women who wear a size 25, or women who wear a size 2, as well as men who are looking for that extra to set them apart in interview situations. My message is always the same…let’s find what makes one feel their best, since that radiates better energy than anything one can say about themselves!.
Accenting the positive for ostomates begins with recognizing how very amazing our “new normal” body is, for allowing us a second chance at life, and hopefully, a more healthy one.
Both men and women benefit from some guidelines, so here are some things to consider:
- Bring color to your face, especially since we may not have been looking healthy in the past, people will see a more robust person with brightness. Years ago, people used a color program to determine their most flattering colors. I believe you will know right away if something is flattering since the reaction of others will probably be a question such as “are you feeling well?” if the color is truly wrong for you. Ladies, even if you aren’t comfortable with makeup, consider a pretty lipstick to brighten your complexion!
- Balance and proportion are key for a better looking and better functioning wardrobe. For women, this may mean wearing a wider leg pant if wearing cropped tops, and conversely, less flowy bottom if wearing a tunic (one of the go-to tops for ostomates.) For men, be sure your trousers or khakis fit well, since for those who have lost a great deal of weight, too-big pants make one feel sicker.
- Shoes are very important for health and appearance. We need to be safe, but flats aren’t always the answer, since they can be hard on the back. Finding just the right height will be a personal thing, but a very important endeavor. Men, please notice when your shoes need a shine, since that speaks a great deal about state of mind, I believe.
- Use accessories to individualize your wardrobe. For men, beautiful neckties paired with a crisp shirt are a great fashion statement. Women have the full gamut of accessories from which to choose. We have shawls, scarves, necklaces and earrings, hats and handbags and we love all of it!
Having an ostomy changes our bodies, making even the most “perfect” of bodies, “imperfect!” However, no longer striving toward unrealistic goals, we can be proud of our ability to live and love our lives. We are powerful enough to advocate for others, to be supportive and loving, concerned about others, recognizing when another may need help, and strong enough to enjoy and celebrate each and every day. I have learned that body perfection was really never a possibility for me or others, and thankful to my new body for helping me learn and share that very valuable lesson. And most importantly, I have learned that my imperfection makes me very, very happy!
Originally published on United Ostomy Association of America website.