The aftermath of losing a loved one is an excruciating time, and the endless hours of thinking, feeling, reliving and wondering about the “what if’s” loom so large in front of our eyes. It seems that every culture has a way of defining that aftermath, a traditional experience done over and over again for the generations. These traditions are meant to comfort the bereaved, but regardless of the way one endures it, the pain is truly palpable for all. I was reminded of this as I watched the faces of those who came to support Michele and Ira, and all of our family, to show respect and celebrate Adam’s life. I needed to hug each and every person who looked like they were fighting back tears, and tell them the importance of the coming together, how much we appreciated their kindness, and how our hearts felt theirs.

Guiding visitors to Michele and Ira often meant taking them away from another visitor, so many there at once. People patiently waited to share a story, ask what they can do, envelop them to absorb a little bit of their pain. Loss is sad regardless of the person, whether they have lived a wonderful long life and passed away in their sleep or suffered terribly before death descended upon them. But when it is one’s child, one’s only child, and he is not even 40 years old, there are few words that can fill the air. And losing him so swiftly leaves them and all of us in shock. How does a parent make sense of such an egregious loss?

My hope is that the coming together of those who love and adore my sister and brother-in-law (in truth, I have known and loved him for over 50 years, he is my brother!) will continue to hold them in their hearts. That as time goes by, they will continue to reach out and be part of their lives. They will continue to tell stories and share how they think of Adam, as well.

Michele and Ira both love children and work with them in different capacities. I told Michele the day we said goodbye to Adam they would catch a glimpse of him in every child they meet. I believe I am right. They are a family that loved each other unconditionally, and they let go of him with their heart full of concern he no longer suffer. He will be with them, with us, each and every day, each and every minute, and the knowledge many felt the same will bring them peace, at least that is my fervent prayer.

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