My husband, Bruce knows me so well! While I was away visiting my daughter and her family one evening several years ago, he ran into Mike, a golf friend. Immediately, upon meeting Mike’s wife Gail, he knew we were destined to become friends. Bruce called me that evening and was excited to tell me had met my kindred spirit, that we had the “same sense of style, the same interest in others, both petite with pixie haircuts, and most of all, that unnamable spirit you both possess.” Nice as it was to imagine a new friend, it wasn’t until a few weeks later when we ran into Gail and Mike, as well as Gail’s twin sister, Debbie, that I knew Bruce was absolutely right…we were going to be the closest of friends, and she would become one of my chosen sisters! I had no idea our friendship would be such a compelling part of my life, she would be as important to me as she has become, and I had no idea that I would stand with her as she lost her darling husband this week.
The four of us had wonderful times and did so many enjoyable things together. Mike always basked in Gail’s glow…loved to see her dressed beautifully, knew we had so much fun finding treasures that befit our personal style, knew that together we were always happy. I even became known as Gail and Debbie’s “third twin” and our guys laughed as they counted how many people asked if we are sisters?
Mike was a very well-respected Ophthalmologist and just recently retired. They decided to leave New Jersey and move to Charleston, South Carolina, where Mike would play his many beautiful guitars and fish off his dock. He had only a few days to enjoy his boat, however, before having to acknowledge that he had a treacherous adversary, and cancer was his kryptonite! Gail and Mike’s vision of retirement and time together never materialized, and the devastation of loss is so hard, so painful, so all-encompassing.
Although I am in New Jersey and Gail in South Carolina, I felt there with her completely. We shared every bit of news she could tell me, and my family and friends waited for updates on a regular basis. A day did not pass without me giving reports to them. We knew Mike was losing his battle, so determined was cancer to win at all costs. But when Gail called and told me he had died, I felt my entire being go numb.
How does one support those we love at times like this? What words do we say to show empathy, understanding, and compassion? Is there a time when we are more powerless, more tongue-tied and unable to wade through thousands of phonemes to provide comfort? I don’t know, but I just want Mike to know that as he asked me to do…I will stand with Gail and continue to treasure her. I can’t fill his large shoes, but I can be a reminder that she was so loved by her Michael.
My deepest sympathies for the loss of your friend. Gail and Mike have been very lucky to have you and Bruce in their lives. I hope you are able to spend time with Gail despite the distance and that she has or can find a local support network.
Oh Ellen, I’ve missed seeing you both come in for lunch. Both, beautifully dressed and obviously such close friends. I’m so very sorry to hear of Gails loss, and yours. She is indeed lucky to have you. ??
Mike and Gaily are a very extra special couple! Their love and devotion to each other is unmatched! Gaily did everything humanly possible for Michael in his painful battle with cancer. Most of the time Mike was in the hospital Gail was with him 24 7, even during the night! Gail is an extremely strong, intelligent and resilient individual! Now that Michael’s life here has ended, Gaily will need to find solace in family and friends, like you Ellen and her other twin, Debbie! As Gaily’s mother-in-law, I feel confident that her strength of character will eventually ease the pain of losing her soulmate Michael! Within a few days of Michael’s passing Conor and Erica welcomed their first beautiful baby, Mackenzie into the family! The circle of life is unbroken!