VICTOR, NOT VICTIM!

Our Ostomy Support Groups bring many together, and people attend for a variety of reasons. Some may be considering an ostomy, feel it is in their future, some may need specific information about clothing, food issues, intimacy, and some may be there to meet others like themselves. To me, anyone who steps out of their own being and shares their life is saying “I will not be a victim!”

It is so easy to be a victim. Each of us has a story to tell, and none of them are pretty, sexy, attractive. We have been sick, very sick, and we have suffered…some of us for years and years. But we all have in common the reality that we have gotten through, lived to tell the tale, have ammunition in our holster for what has come our way, what may happen again. Offering the coping skills we have learned may make the difference in someone else’s life, as they navigate similar waters to those we have tread.

Recently, a young man attended our group and he was feeling lost, had been feeling that way for a while. He reached out to me and I was reminded of this summer when we had met at the United Ostomy Association of America Conference in Philadelphia. At that time, his goal was to connect with others in their 20’s and he found camaraderie at that meeting. But as time passed, he drifted, and needed to reconnect with people like himself. Although we do not have young people at our meeting, my sense is that he felt very welcomed, very wanted and very supported. Some in our group are savvied in social media and gave him websites to visit, chat rooms to attend, places where young people are sharing their experiences and challenges, and he may even find friends in his own geographic area. I watched his body relax, listen and take in the nourishment of the information he was receiving.

To be totally candid and honest, I wasn’t certain this young man would have a good experience at the group, particularly the first time he attended. I was a little anxious and concerned. Doing my best to make him comfortable could only go so far. He would have to want to return in order to bond more deeply in the future. But I watched my group go into action, making suggestions, providing specifics and warmly welcoming this newcomer, and I felt my own body relax. We are there for ourselves, but we are there for each other. We are dealing with our own challenges but we are willing to walk the walk with another. We know the good days outweigh the bad, but the bad can take us down in one fell swoop. But we also know that by being there for others, leading the way, helping and educating, proudly insures we are not VICTIMS, and that makes us VICTORS!