It was an awful night, and although there have been worst nights, this one was rather remarkable. It probably began with a lot of physical work in the morning, cleaning up the room of my darling Mom-in-law, who lives in an assisted living facility. She has lived there for close to 6 years, and during COVID-19 quarantine, we could not enter the building. So, it was time to organize and clean up her apartment after all of these months. My sister-in-law and I were prepared, supplies at the ready. We worked hard, carrying out 8 huge green garbage bags to the dumpster. By the time we finished cleaning out her closet, etc., it was a day’s work and it wasn’t even lunchtime. I realized that I was sweating, and not drinking because I was double-masked. Oy! What I did to myself! 

Now bear in mind that the concomitant to this is that when one has an ileostomy, it is always producing fluids that are not able to be reabsorbed into the body. That is the nature of an ileostomy. For those new to this concept, this is the number one reason ileostomates find themselves in the Emergency Room if they have a fever (think Flu or Covid-19) or overexert themselves. What would, for another person, be an awful feeling, may be life-threatening for us.

I thought I had rehydrated throughout the day, but apparently, I had not. Getting into bed brought the first of my leg cramps, twisting and tightening in my calf, and spreading to my toes. Watching my toes light toward the ceiling was my strong indication that this needed intervention, so I limped to the bathroom. For the uninitiated, if your toes are in spasm and curl up, not on the floor, the pain of walking without them on the floor is intolerable. We need those pads to protect our feet. So instead of ambling, I limped. 

As happens in this situation, I began my usual routine of homeopathic Hyland’s LEG CRAMPS, and then when that didn’t calm down the twisting and clamping, I added Boiron ARNICARE LEG CRAMPS. At that point, I swigged Tonic Water I keep handy. Oh, there was relief! Until I got back into bed, and the other leg began its horrific dance. 

Now, I knew I needed more, so I applied THERAWORX RELIEF gingerly, massaging deeper as I continued. Relief! Then another onset. I quickly rubbed DR TEAL’S SLEEP LOTION, drank more Tonic Water, looked at the clock, which was striking 2:00 a.m. and still no sleep. 

Down the stairs I crawled to the kitchen where I reached into the refrigerator for my vat of pickle juice. Yes, you read that correctly, pickle juice. Usually, after a rather large swig, I am good to go…but not last night. Approaching the bed, I picked up each leg as if they were made of dust, and gently placed them on the bed. No go!

Back to the basics I went, taking the Leg Cramps pills, rubbing, less carefully now, kneading as if I was preparing bread for the oven, and back down to the kitchen for pickle juice, tears welling in the corners of my eyes. By now, it was 4:00 a.m. At 5:20 a.m., I drank my last gulp of pickle juice, crawled to my bed, which was looking more and more difficult to reach, and fell asleep…until 7:00 a.m., when the cramps began again.

In truth, I am always up between 4 and 5 times a night to empty my high-output pouch, so I am quite used to interrupted sleep. I am fortunate enough to be able to rest during the day to make up for the loss of continuous night sleep. But this was untenable. When I got out of bed to begin my day, I felt sustained relief, and I was very grateful. The cramps were gone, my toes were in their natural position, I had my breakfast, a little nauseated from the last swig of pickle juice, but I plugged on, since missing a meal is rarely on my agenda, and I am ready for the day. My only problem is that tonight may be a repeat, but I will have my pickle juice, lotions and potions nearby, am eating salty foods and drinking plenty. Fore warned is fore armed! And a little prayer for a better night’s sleep.

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