It all began with Alexa, or in our case, the Echo Dot! The internet and television provider in our community gifted each of us with this new (to us) toy, and the first night, after cleaning the dinner dishes, I asked Alexa to play “Lady in Red,” one of my fave songs. Reaching for Bruce’s hand, I felt the beginning of a lovely new habit. We have continued to dance most evenings, and I find myself smiling with contentment. I love to look up at Bruce’s face when he is not preoccupied with work or golf. Whether it is true or not, dancing reinforces he is all mine for the duration of the song.  

 

Last night we attended a dinner dance and we were more in sync than ever as we danced. I assume it had to do with our nightly “practicing” but I believe that the patterns we feel most comfortable performing fill us with comfort and confidence, and we look for ways to continue to experience that good feeling. We even laughed at the last dance, when I was wearing my crossbody handbag as we were walking out the door, but returned to the dance floor for one last dance, to our wedding song. My handbag kept bouncing around, and Bruce teased me by saying “your bag keeps getting in between us!” It was actually my handbag, and not my ileostomy pouch, which I know he also feels regularly as we dance. 

 

This morning I began to think about the fact that many ostomates may feel uncomfortable or awkward about their pouch, or their partner “feeling” it. For those in new relationships, or even long-term ones, it may prevent them from taking to the dance floor.  If that is the case, I encourage a frank and open conversation about the “elephant in the room.” Each of you knows it is there, so acknowledge it and move on. The pouch is only as important as we make it. It is our lifesaver, that’s for certain, but it doesn’t define us.

 

There are many ways to experience connections to those we love, and sharing intimate thoughts and feelings is a major one. We never know where life will take us, never know what is next, or down the road, but having the ability to openly discuss what is happening may very well be the way to happiness. And if that also means a spin around the room to a song played by Alexa, all the better! 

 

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