Last week I was shopping with a friend at a special occasion boutique. As usual, a few things caught my eye, and I had them set aside in a fitting room. In preparation for trying them on, I asked to use the bathroom. Emptying my pouch is so important, particularly when I am trying on clothes. If there is a leak around my stoma, or a potential leak, that is the time to discover it…not when in a fitting room with clothes that are not mine!
The response I received was that the bathroom was filled with boxes and couldn’t be used…I could go across the street to the supermarket and use their bathroom. The look on my face must have revealed how angry that made me for several reasons, the primary one being that if you are a store that caters to women, and women typically need to frequently use the bathroom, making it off limits to shoppers seemed thoughtless. As I stood there, digesting this statement, the saleslady continued to tell me that a huge shipment had just been delivered into the bathroom, that it was dangerous going there, and on and on. At that point, I walked away, my pouch full, my mind racing, wondering if I should simply walk out of the store. The dresses were gorgeous, confections all, but what price my dignity, and here was a fight that felt worth fighting!
I became mobilized, gave my handbag to my friend, got in touch with my determination and walked up to the saleslady who had so graciously given me her name when she saw me as a customer. Now, I was a warrior. “Karen, I need the ladies’ room, and I need it now! I have a card which I will present that makes my need for a bathroom evident, and if you have a difficult time with that, we can discuss the American Disability Act.” At that point, Karen began to show kinks in the armor. “I don’t make the rules. I will take you to the bathroom, but it is very dangerous,” she said. I braced myself for a trip tantamount to trekking through the Amazon.
Imagine how foolish Karen must have felt when there were NO boxes, NO huge delivery, NO dangerous items in or around the lovely bathroom. In fact, other than it being in the storeroom (believe me, I have been in many of those) it was absolutely fine.
Why am I telling you this story? Because although I recognize that dealing with the public can be messy and perhaps dirty, in general, most people are respectful when using someone else’s bathroom. Making a bathroom available is a courtesy extended to others, one we have come to expect, and for those in need, greatly appreciated. And at the core, the fact that an employee must lie to a shopper, create an entire story that is false, embellished and exaggerated, is quite disgraceful. The employee becomes complicit in the lie, stammering to cover the obvious lack of truth, knowing that I knew the minute I saw the bathroom in that storeroom, the gig was up, the truth was out!
I felt quite energized by my determination to use the bathroom, but more importantly, as I said to my friend, I feel better for the next person who asks to use the bathroom, hoping I put some fear into the storeowner. Make a shopper feel welcome, and if that includes using the bathroom, so be it!
This situation happens all too frequently!
I actually ask for the manager or the supervisor which seems to help, but sadly ,not all the time.
Boycott the establishment!
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Major kudos to you Ellyn, our Guardian Angel, our Superhero! I would have done the same thing, no wonder I adore you so! Did you buy a dress there?
It’s all Karma, baby! ❤
well did you try anything on or did you buy anything from this cute store or did you walk out?
Brilliant thank you for your self respect and strong mind set. I am so proud of you for standing up to that rude person and making her look like a complete liar and fool.
Sherry ?
I am so happy to hear that you stood up for yourself. I am lucky to know you personally, and you are the kindest, sweetest, and most positive person I know. You, as always, were thinking of being courteous to the clothes and shop owner. As a woman, we all know that as we age going to the bathroom becomes a more frequent thing.
We’ll done! I have had similar experiences many times before just like this one you described!!!
We’ll done! I have had similar experiences many times before just like this one you described!!! Keep up the great work.
Yeah Ellyn! How well I can relate! Never did I give your answer, but I will now! Thank you for sharing. ?
You surely are an advocate for yourself and the those who experience the same issues. Thank you.
Years ago (1980s to 1990s) way before my Ostomy, I had problems with people letting me use the bathrooms, telling me to go across the street or whatever, and it made me very angry. One of the normal responses was, “we don’t have a public bathroom.” I would try to explain my reasons for needing it immediately, but it can be embarrassing when you are amongst a group of people in a store. I finally got a card that said “this person needs to use a bathroom immediately.” Even that would still be a problem. And before my Ostomy, I had many accidents due to this.
COVID can no longer be an excuse. However, I generally walk out find the closest bathroom after a short expression of my disdain then go back to give it to the manager. My passion for disgust usually results. In some leakage that is exactly what I wanted to avoid. Thanks for bringing it up. As usual. Go girl. You know what should be done!!