No Pollyanna, I am well-versed in sadness, illness, and loss. In fact, I was in a fairly deep depression before my young father died, and watching the life leave him reinforced for me that the world was a very bleak place. Part of me didn’t even want to continue living in the world anymore. An uncle admonished me for my dark thoughts, advising me to “grow up…everyone dies and stop dwelling on death!” Years and years of therapy helped me to find my place out of the darkness, to look on the bright side, as often as possible.
Interfacing with those of us with chronic illness has reminded me that we are all vulnerable, and that at some point, we all may have to look at the bright side. In my book, SO MUCH MORE THAN MY OSTOMY: LOVING MY PERFECTLY IMPERFECT BODY! I referenced the day I returned home from the hospital after my ileostomy surgery. I looked at myself in the mirror and screamed “what did I do to myself?” I wanted the surgery, believed it would change my life for the better. At that moment, all I saw was an emaciated body with a bag/pouch hanging from it, affixed with some sort of magical adhesive. But once I made peace with my new body, the bright side appeared! My ostomy was my lifesaver. I have no doubt I would not have survived these 8 years without it. I shout to anyone who will listen the benefits and liberation I feel as an Ostomate.
Sadly, the aging process has wrought havoc on many in my world who had not had their health threatened earlier. Strokes, heart attacks, aggressive malignancies, Alzheimer’s Disease have all taken their toll. If a stroke or heart attack leaves little or no lasting damage, then that is a bright side. If the malignancy can be treated, that is a bright side. If the Alzheimer’s Disease debilitates a bit slower, that is the bright side. Life is messy, life is scary, and life is unpredictable. But life is beautiful, and life is fulfilling, and life is exciting.
Resilience comes when we can look from the bright side to the ability to count our blessings, I believe. Every day is not sunny, but then again, every day is not usually stormy, either. Awakening with the knowledge that there is opportunity for good, for happiness and for accomplishment is not only the gift for some. It may be a learned behavior. Telling ourselves we can cope or something positive may indeed make it so. That is my mantra, that has become my guide, and that is the message I want to convey. The choice we make is to find the darkness or the light…
Ellyn, you so much
More than a survivor. Your earned wisdom and compassion continue to inspire those who know you in person and through your words.
Ellyn you never cease To amaze me with your insights and positive way of looking at our lives … the only ones we have. One day at a time. Thank you.
Life IS beautiful, Ellyn & is always better on the ‘sunny side of the street!’ We don’t realize how lucky we are as Ostomates to understand how resilient we have become as a result of our disability. No one said life is easy, nor is it greener on the other side of the fence.
Many years ago, Bil Keane, the cartoonist who draws “Family Circus,” some 50 years ago, posted a cartoon of Grandma explaining to the kids that “God deals us a set of cards at birth; how we play them is up to us.” I found that cartoon around the time I was diagnosed with UC; I cut it out & still have that yellowed piece of newspaper – it’s brought me a lot of comfort over the years.
Thank you for writing about this amazing subject matter.
Excellent reminder! Thanks!