From the moment I had my ileostomy in March 2014, I knew it would change my physical life, but I had no idea it would change the entire trajectory of my place in the world. I share this not because I have achieved something others cannot, but because I have achieved something everyone can. Never would I have imagined that I would read this recent text from the wife of an Ostomate, “you gave Peter the confidence he needed to live normally!” (Thank you, Ilene, I read your text with tears of gratitude.)
Having spoken over these past close to nine years, to hundreds new or potential Ostomates at various phases of their experience, I always do my best to meet them where they are. As I have mentioned many times in my blog posts, I would never presume to know how long it will take another to arrive at the place I truly believe they will. Therefore, I weigh their responses carefully. Overwhelm and I may lose them, retreat and they will not win their battle with normalcy.
What is “normalcy?” For each of us, it is unique, but for each of us, it is being able to reach our dreams, live our best lives, and even support another through their efforts. Many times, during my conversations, I will ask a new Ostomate if they would like to speak with another in their situation so they garner even more support than my (attempt to motivate) posture. I find that men relate better to other men at the onset of their recovery for obvious reasons, in the same way that women bond over clothing and intimacy. There are enough of us to make it happen for any Ostomate.
The key to recovery and acceptance may be in the concept of living a “normal life,” because that really is within our grasp. It may also be in acknowledging that there are between 750,000 million of us in the country. I recommend reading THE PHOENIX MAGAZINE, checking in with the United Ostomy Associations of America website, finding an Ostomy Support Group, many of which are online, reading blogs or books, and talking openly with others in our situation. Most of all, I encourage all to remember that our ostomy is a LIFESAVER!!! We, who are fortunate enough to have had our lives saved by this incredible surgery, are neighbors, physicians, glitterati and professors, and our return to “normal” is ours to obtain!
Great blog Ellyn – if Kelly wakes me up during the middle of the night saying I’m full how about change my pouch I really do feel grateful that I have this new lifestyle. No one I would have ever imagined I would have, but I am very happy with it and I think my family is happy I made that decision as well Yes I can Do it !
This article is filled w/honesty, compassion and success. You are like the 8th wonder of the world w/your incredible words.
You always hit the nail of the head . And i, and I am sure, we are always grateful for your dedication and friendship.
In most contexts, I find the word “normal” to be troubling. But your description of normalcy as living full lives, going after our dreams, and even lending support is so right on! That’s the “ normal” that’s really our best selves enabled by your inspiration!
I appreciate your words, but I have yet to find another ostomate to talk to. Several times I’ve reached out to people that were given to me as potential osotmate friends, and have received no reply. I continue to struggle with my ass to me and have never felt sent to normalcy yet, and it’s been over a year.
You always have something encouraging and inspiring to say. That is what makes you such a special person. I hope your move to Florida is going well and that you’re finding your self. Happy and comfortable where you are. I hope to talk to you soon.