Will there come a day when we will no longer have a conversation about someone’s sexual preference or gender transition? I have no idea. Growing up, like so many of my generation, when it came to sexuality, I knew nothing more than a man and a woman had a baby, and it was rare for either to be the sole parent in the family. What went on in the bedroom was not discussed, other than, perhaps, some women were paid to have sex, and even then, it was in books or in movies. And to that point, they were either putting themselves through higher education, had a heart of gold, or were protecting their family from famine and pestilence. The world was simply, very different, and actually, quite simple.
My generation is learning a new language, and most of it is a vegetable soup of letters that are tied dramatically to human emotions, physicality and appearance. Looking at what we knew, or thought we knew, versus what we are observing in society is eye opening, and in many ways, quite incredible. It isn’t about sex, alone! In fact, it feels as if that is a small part of what is changing. It is about being free to be who we, as a people, actually are. I am as challenged as the next person by what this all means, but I am engaged in the reality that many are no longer content to live in the body or mind in which they arrived on this earth.
Pride is something that propels us forward, and in so doing, enhances the greater good. When I became an ostomate, I saw two choices for my future. I could hide my ostomy and not discuss it with others, which is a very viable option for many. Or I could embrace it, and Lily (my stoma) and change the way others may think about this life-saving surgery. Obviously, I chose the latter, and it has changed my life beyond measure. The many I have mentored, the connections I have made, the accomplishments I feel, are truly life-altering. Never, as I was recovering in my hospital bed, 9 years ago, would I have thought of a new life, free of pain and suffering, and filled with joy and happiness.
Please do not feel I am conflating or comparing my lifestyle with that which the LGBTQ community experiences. I choose to discuss my health issues and mentor those either in need or with an ostomy. The LGBTQ community is often harassed and humiliated and attacked for their differences. That is simply disgraceful! But it is a fact that cannot be denied. If only people would open their eyes and their hearts, not judge and meet people where they are…but, then, again, I have been accused of seeing the world through rose-colored glasses.
Ellyn, you make an interesting observation that raises more questions than answers. Some conditions can be more readily hidden than others, if so inclined. Does that make “passing” easier? For example, is being Jewish easier than being black in terns of bias, persecution, ridicule? Certainly, it takes courage to live as one’s authentic self, even if one falls in with the status quo. How much more courage does it take to own your core identity/ condition when that falls outside of the norm?!
Great piece-maybe you should reconsider living in Florida!?
Loved it Ellyn