MY GO-TO GUY!

When I answered my phone a few years ago there was a familiar voice at the other end. I recognized the voice as the husband of a wonderful friend, Linda, with whom I knitted and had lunches, many years ago. I admit I was confused as to why he was calling me, but soon discovered I needed to put on my Ostomy Mentor’s hat. Little did I know that day that I would come to know, and depend upon, my Go-To Guy for ostomy support, particularly for men with ostomy!

Dr. Cliff Botwin had retired from orthopedics and was recovering from bladder cancer. His treatment included removal of his bladder, necessitating a urostomy. The interesting thing about urostomy is that the ureters are surgically resected from the bladder and inserted into the ileum section of the small intestine. The end of the ileum is then brought out through an opening or stoma through the abdominal wall. Urine is then collected into a pouch. This is a very successful procedure with a good outcome, but of course, there is an adjustment involved. Cliff wanted to know all he could about the adjustment, expectations, and about becoming a member of the Union County Ostomy Support Group at Overlook Medical Center in New Jersey. At that pre-Covid time, we were meeting in person, and had a very thriving group. There was an intimacy to sharing the change in our anatomy and what that meant to each of us physically and emotionally.

Over the years we became a remote group, which remains very strong. We have people from all over the country, and at times, from Canada, as well. Zoom has kept s together and the group enjoys this new form of communicating. Cliff was always part of the group, sharing his experiences, listening to questions others had and offering support. Whether he was in Florida or New Jersey, he was always present. When he missed a meeting, he would let me know before or after, and if I didn’t hear from him, I knew there was something wrong. That was Cliff! Most of all, when I would reach out to him to ask for help for a gentleman who had an adjustment issue, or a question the man was uncomfortable asking me, he was always amenable to guiding this person.

As a physician, I would ask him, from time to time if something made sense, and if it was out of his realm, he was the first to say so. In fact, from our first conversation, he positioned himself as the student and me as the teacher. He never indicated he knew more about the body than I. He simply wanted to know what he wanted to know. He was deferential to my knowledge, as I was to his desire to help others.

Cliff did not lose his life to the bladder cancer which necessitated his urostomy. He suffered from a blood disorder called polycythemia, which had been under control for years. Unfortunately, the disease turned and had a deadly effect, causing Cliff’s death a few weeks ago. I knew he was weakening and when we last spoke, I could hear the struggle in his voice. When I shared the news, our Ostomy Support Group was devastated and shocked. The group felt we had just seen him participating and sharing, but realized he had missed the past few meetings.

Like everyone, I am no stranger to loss and the need to deal with grief. Although I only knew Cliff these past few years, his impact was powerful. A truly nice and kind man, a heart to help, always willing to be my Go-To Guy when asked, he will be truly missed…not only by his family and friends, but by all of us who enjoyed his participation and the camaraderie we shared