My mother was right! When I was a young girl and we moved from our apartment to our home, it was hard to fit in. Sixth Grade in an Elementary School (in the days of Junior High, not Middle School) meant being the oldest, the elite. The group of girls in my class were so COOL, and in my eyes, SOPHISTICATED, wearing the same outfits, lip gloss and nail polish.

I was overwhelmed, and certainly not included, as the new girl. I was very insecure and it showed. Each day, I would come home and yell to my mother, “I HATE those girls!” My mother always had the same reaction, which was to ignore them; by hating them, you are making them more important and powerful, “just be yourself.” That, did nothing to help me, because at that moment, I didn’t know myself. “Besides, hating makes you UGLY.” That made even less sense to my young brain. How could I be ugly when these girls were hurting me? Eventually, these same girls became my friends, and I LOVED them…well, as much as a Sixth Grader feels loving to others than her family.

All of this is just a musing, because I am getting mentally and physically ready to say that I am in a place I haven’t been for decades, perhaps my entire life. I am privileged in that rarely have I personally been impacted by the kind of hatred we now see around the world. I have heard antisemitic words from people who didn’t know I was Jewish, but even that was rare. I have had the hairs on the back of my neck raise when hearing stories of attacks on Orthodox people walking to Synagogue. And I have read of brutality for no other reason than to be able to visit it upon those who believe differently, worship differently. My daughters have accompanied our Rabbi and his wife to the camps of the Holocaust in Poland, Czechoslovakia and Hungary. I have read and continue to read accounts of grotesque atrocities in novels and documentaries. I am not naïve. My friends and family are not naïve. We know there is a world of hatred that exists and those who hate will never learn or want to love. Additionally, I look at our governing body, those who are supposed to lead and guide us, and they can’t come together to do anything but, seemingly, fight, and sadly, hate.

For the first time in my life, I am scared, and not for my safety…but for mankind. There is no bravado as I say this. Of course, I don’t want to be physically hurt, or worse yet, have someone I love be hurt. It is deeper than that, deeper than I can explain. If there is nothing but hate in the world, nothing but hate in our country, nothing but hate in our government, nothing but waiting for it all to erupt, then what is left?

I am hopeful the days will pass and the feeling I have will, most probably, do so, as well. I am an eternal optimist. But the rumblings beneath will continue to exist, to be there, waiting for the next unearthing of hatred. I once believed in the intrinsic good of mankind. I look forward to the day when I feel that way, again.

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