I remember waking a few days after my nephew, Adam, passed away, and thinking, “and so a new life begins.” This new life I am considering is not mine, although I am forever changed by the deep loss of one I loved, but that of my sister, Michele, and brother-in-law (brother) Ira. They would now have to pick up the pieces of what was, and create what will be. Loss, sadness, devastation, helplessness, memories, those are all words that have new meaning to them, to us, their family who love them. 

Keeping Adam alive in our thoughts and discussions feels so normal that there are still moments when I forget the reality, just for that moment. And then the inevitable, “how did it happen, and happen so quickly?” As time goes by, the questions loom larger, and in my mind, I go over it once again.

Michele and Ira are strong and determined, bright and loving people, so they are surrounded by others like themselves. They both adore children, and that is, I believe part of their salvation. Michele works with Down Syndrome toddlers and that fills her with joy, her love for them is evident in how she speaks of their responses to her. And Ira is a Job Coach involved with disabled children of many ages. His kindness and humor is a keystone of his personality, and I saw how much he is loved and adored in the first few days after their loss when his colleagues let him know how much he was missed.

This week Michele and I will do some final preparations for the selling of Adam’s condo, and it will be very difficult. Like everything else we do together, however, there will be support, love, and tenderness…that is how we, along with my sister, Mindy, do things together. We anticipate each other’s thoughts and responses and are rarely wrong in what we sense.

Additionally, each time I see Michele and Ira together I am heartened by how much strength they give and get from each other, and that is, I believe, their salvation. Everything starts with them as a couple. And I know how they are supported by our entire family and their many friends. Their lives have changed in an excruciating way. There will be no bagels in their home on Sundays since that was a weekly tradition with Adam. There will be an homage to that life in many ways, but my prayers are for their new life. It will never be without missing their “beautiful boy” but we will all continue to fill it with all the love we have.

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