My most recent Ostomy Support Group had spare minutes at the end of “the business at hand” so I opened the discussion to all by posing this question: How do you get your mental toughness? I saw facial reactions in some which indicated that perhaps they didn’t realize they exhibited the mental toughness I saw. Or perhaps it is that I know in order to cope with illness and the concomitant issues, one has to have the determination to push ahead. Additionally, I know that just by being in the Group, they want to know more, share more and give more. Walking into something new can be frightening and overwhelming. Getting the lay of the land is hard, doing it with a physical change to our body is even harder. But by the end of the first meeting, my impression is that most are happy they have attended.
So then, what is mental toughness? Many believe that nobody knows how mentally tough they are until it is tested. No doubt, survivors of the Holocaust, prisoners of war, crime victims would tell us, I believe, that they never saw themselves as capable of not only surviving, but of recovering from their horrors.
Some say that their mental toughness comes from having others in their world. For example, Rolf Benirschke, a former San Diego Chargers placekicker and Ostomate, told our Support Group that he learned from Vietnam POW’s in solitary confinement for months at a time, that it was the responsibility of other prisoners to “keep each other alive.” That meant dropping a stone in front of their prison door, or whispering a motivational message…anything to let the soldier know they mean something to someone!
Additionally, I have some thoughts to add: coping comes from our need to do so, we should never feel we can’t cope because we haven’t been called upon to do so as yet. Share your story with others, and in so doing, you let them know they are not alone. Encourage others, they need to know there is a normal side to their lives. Have faith, which sustains us and provides hope in countless situations. Knowing we will never give up is a preparation for the battles of life, and remaining cool under pressure are all ways to feel prepared to handle what comes our way. Mental toughness is defined differently by all of us, but knowing we can survive, that we will help others do the same, that our faith is strong in ourselves and whatever force in which we believe, all of this helps us to know we are ready for the scary moments that come our way. Like the trees that thrive, we have to bend in the way in which the hurricane wind blows, and stand tall when it passes.